“Why can’t I find true love?”
So, before we begin, let me start off by saying that I love you. I think your potential is off the CHARTS and that your only limitations are the boundaries you put on yourself.
With that being said, this is what I have now dubbed a “fairy” question. A fairy question is a question whose very premise makes answering the question impossible. Fairy questions make relationship building improbable. “How to date” seems to be the new craze. But before we can even talk about dating effectively, we have to let go of some of these urban myths and legends. “True love” is one of the worst.
Here are some other examples of fairy questions:
“Why aren’t unicorns real?”
“Why does Santa seem to ignore the black community?”
“Would a killer whale be named differently if it were mostly white?”
That last one is a good one by the way. Your welcome.
First, let me answer the (original) question. The reason you can’t find “true love” is because there is no such thing. It doesn’t exist. But the question assumes that it does exist, though the person asking the question can’t really define it.
The idea that “true love” is out there, just waiting to be picked up and taken home is silly.
Here are 4 reasons why you need to give up on the quest you can’t begin because what you are attempting to find isn’t really there.
It doesn’t exist.
You can’t define it in any way that can be a pillar of a healthy relationship. It does not exist, because ‘true’ love is defined by the person expecting it, without much regard to the flaws of the person who is attempting to give it. One time my wife sent me to find her car keys. I looked everywhere. My frustrations grew and grew. This key was nowhere to be found. But it HAD to be. So I searched some more. I began tearing up our room. Still couldn’t find the key. I never found it. Disappointed, I came to her to admit my defeat. I had failed her as a spouse and more importantly, as a friend. I was very sad… until she reached in her own pocket and pulled it out. She just never thought to check. I was sent on a quest that was impossible for me to complete. And keys are actually real. When searching for true love, you are searching for something that isn’t real. What are you tearing up trying to find it?
If it did exist, and you found it, you would mess it up.
You don’t have the tools, endurance, patience, or skill to groom it while in your captivity. If you are searching, it means you don’t possess it. Such a pure concept will be sullied by a person so desperate for it. Assuming that it is real (see point 1 above), are you also assuming it comes with an instructional manual?
“True love” is not a person.
People make relationships, not things. Unless you treat people as things and believe they should operate as such. This is narcissism. Get help. And if you are in a relationship, platonic or otherwise, where a person only sees you as a means for gratification… get out. That being said, you can’t separate a person’s love for you from their inability to love you perfectly. You just have to decide if their failures at attempting to love you are worth you attaching to. If you are waiting for “true love,” however, that attachment will never happen. Ask yourself, do you want to be with a person, or are you in love with a concept?
You have no idea what it looks like, so how would you know if you found it?
I wanted to write something deep and profound to emphasize this point. Instead, just read it again. And really, REALLY, make yourself answer it. Better yet, share your answer in the comments below.
The idea of “true love” reduces an individual to traits that exist only to empower you, grow you, and make you feel all the feels you deserve. It’s all about you. That’s not how relationships are grown.
“True love” completely ignores the fact that whoever you choose to build a relationship with will be flawed, will challenge you, and will disappoint you. And to have the idea of “true love” hovering as an expectation of your relationship causes unnecessary stress and anxiety. You don’t need any more of that. None of us do.
So instead of looking for “true love”…
have a talk to with your “true self.”
If you are willing to listen, learn, and grow yourself, I can’t promise that “true love” will come knocking, but someone will. It’s up to you to decide who will greet them.
