I was going to have some grand set up to make this blog catchy. A literary masterpiece. Some incredible analogy that would have you hook, line, and sinker. Then…
Leaving you (the reader) in applauds and awe at how I cleverly discussed my intent before blowing your mind. Yeah, it was going to be EPIC!
But I’m too tired for all that. So I will say it simply.
You are your biggest hater.
There is no one hating on you more than you. Of all the haters in all the world, you are the most significant to your own detriment. There is a song called ” Hi Hater”. Take a mirror , look deep into your own eyes, … and wave. It’s you.
No? Ok. I’m going to play psychic for just a moment.
Who is the only person that has ever stopped you from doing anything of significance? Here is a hint:
It is, was, and will always be you.
Sure, you’ve had hurdles. People not liking you. Maybe influential people who have made your life difficult, attempting to halt your progress. Stalling you, annoying you, often to just get high on their own ego trip.
Maybe they are some very influential people. Maybe they are some very influential, mean people. Maybe they are some very influential, mean people, who just seem to make you the object of their scorn. This could be your parents or the president of a corporation.
But you know what?
They may have opinions. Maybe some ability to provide obstacles. Hard things that made you feel powerless at the time But that tragedy, even when it was something you couldn’t control, wasn’t really the reason you stopped. The decision to quit, to put your head in the sand , that was your decision to make.
That was you.
It didn’t become possible until you believed it so.
You are your biggest hater.
Still not convinced? Allow me to do my impression of Ms. Cleo once more.
You had a goal, something that you wanted to accomplish. You were excited. Determined.
Then It happened.
It was probably really convincing. Derailed you a bit. But you’re strong.
Then It became It. It was given power, given authority. It began to press you, presenting unnecessary roadblocks. But you persevered. Stuck to your grind. Popped in some inspirational music, meditated, went to church, wrote a meme, whatever you had to do to keep focused. Me and my crystal ball are actually impressed right now. You were on your grind. And apparently, It was too.
Because It leveled up while you were eating your low-fat yogurt, mastering your diet, cause the weight ‘gots to go’. It was watching while you were finishing that degree, kicking A’s and taking names when the statics said you should be dead or in jail by now. It was watching your determination to give your children a better life by being a better you. It was watching while you were trying to balance marriage, work, and searching for some deeper meaning to your existence.
It didn’t like that, not one bit. So It bossed up and became IT! Now the pressure is on! Maybe a teacher disliked you, and failed you unfairly. Maybe your wife called it quits despite your efforts to be everything to her. Maybe the low-fat yogurt label was a lie, and now you betrayed your diet (again). Maybe those kids are still ungrateful, and you feel guilty about being angry that they don’t notice all you do for them.
Maybe it was all the things at once. Multiple ITS! to make sure your aspirations never see light or life. To make sure your dreams die before you dare to think them.
Whoa. Scary stuff.
But no matter how big the IT! got, or how hard the IT! got, no matter if the IT! decided to multiply and hit you from unexpected, painful angles.. IT! didn’t win until you gave in.
Now, don’t get me wrong. You may not be your only hater. And regrouping may be necessary depending on the situation. In fact, quitting may be necessary. Not quitting on life, but just trying a different angle. But YOU decide that. Not IT! No matter how much it grows, no matter how scary IT! is… almost every failure in your life was failure you gave yourself permission to have. You are your biggest hater.
So how do you stop hating on yourself?
Well, that takes a certain mindset. A certain ‘umph’ that says simply this:
“I will—until I can’t”. ” Can’t” as in it will take life and divine forces to intervene for you to be halted. You will, because you have (*check out Huggies and Self-Confidence),and WILL AGAIN! Because of the choices YOU make. Not It! Not THEM! You and you alone!
This doesn’t mean IT! isn’t problematic. But what has been worth building, what has been worth dreaming, what has been worth DOING, has always come with IT!?
In fact, it can be said that IT! is a sign that there IS something significant happening. The invitation to greatness is enveloped in IT! This is not a sign to quit, but a test of your merit and resolve.
But that hater in you…
That hater in you is strong.
Your inner hater blows up your insecurities. Your inner hater, the most significant hater, reminds you of all the reasons why IT! should define you.That you should quit, throw in the towel. Maybe next time. You are just not smart/strong/educated/ resilient enough right now.
Then next time happens, and your inner hater reminds you of how you quit (on ITS! suggestion) last time, and this time will be like last time, because IT! hasn’t changed, and neither have you. So you should quit. Hang up it. Maybe next time. You are just not smart/ strong/ educated/ resilient enough right now. See the pattern?
Years pass. You’ve accomplished much of nothing, fighting back tears of wasted potential. And of course, there is you, your hater, with the truest of words…
“I told you so.”
Sounds absurd, doesn’t it? Certainly, you aren’t the reason why you haven’t accomplished your dreams! Certainly you are not your own worst enemy, your own worst critic.
And sadly, on hindsight, as you reflect over your life, you realize IT! wasn’t even IT …or an It…
It was just an I.
So it is not to blame. And neither are you.
Your hater is.