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3 Things to Consider When Dating from Afar

  • February 6, 2019
  • Travis Bryant, Jr.
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According to Google, a frequently searched question is “how to date long-distance?”

According to people . . . well, there is a reason why the question is so popular on Google.

I suppose it makes sense. With technology, people’s dating pools aren’t limited to their city, state, or even continent.

Pen pals are a thing of the past with advances such as Skype, FaceTime and Google Hangouts.

Do you even remember how big a deal pen pals were?

Ah, simpler times.

If you think you’d like to try to DATE across landscapes, here are 3 things to consider:

  1. Dating long distance is cool, courting long distance is not. Dating is just . . . dating. Two very grown people being intentional about getting to know each other by purposing a time or (cyber) space. That’s it. And one of the benefits of dating a person long distance is that getting to know them is not disrupted by hormones or the pressure to create physical intimacy. However, courting is best done after being a person’s space. Not living with them or anything. But, there is just something about a person’s presence that can’t be replicated. Not yet anyway.
  2. Long distance dating creates a focus on the person’s personality. There is a power in presence. That power can be overwhelming, seductive, and intoxicating. Dating long distance, however, negates a lot of that energy, where the power of the personality is allowed to shine. Sure, there are plenty of opportunities for a person to create a persona . . . but people do that in person as well. A liar will be a liar. But for the rest of the world who AREN’T sociopaths, long distance dating is a great opportunity to see a person with uninterrupted clarity.
  3. Long distance dating should be done with a grain of salt until actually meeting. Here is the thing. I know of individuals who did EVERYTHING long distance, right up to the marriage. I also have heard of people who have jumped out of planes, their parachute malfunctioned, and they still lived. I wouldn’t suggest doing either. Until you can engage him/ her with your five senses, date with a bit of skepticism. Keep it light.

A relationship is just two people relating. Let’s focus less on relating to a person, and more on what we are relaying to the person. Whether far or near, relationship building skills are necessary. If being ‘with someone’ trumps building with someone . . . you have a bigger problem than just dating long distance.

 

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Related Topics
  • couples
  • dating
  • long distance
  • relationships
Travis Bryant, Jr.

Travis Bryant Jr, author of Dating Intervention: Do's and Don'ts to Dodge Disaster, does interpersonal consulting for TouchKC, LLC. He has worked with countless families over the last 15 years in his mission to create and rejuvenate interpersonal and intrapersonal health through various platforms and services. Currently, Travis lives in Kansas City, MO with his wife and two daughters while finishing his master's degree in Marriage and Family Therapy.

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